


Is it me?

by CappiTrash



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy reader, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Mostly everyone - Freeform, Multi, Pack Dynamics, Peter is a Little Shit, Peter is part of the relationship, Pietro is alive!, Please Forgive me, Reader has body issues, Reader is soft and loves peter though, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Smut, Soulmate AU, Soulmate marks, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Wanda Is A Good Bro, a/b/o dynamics, am I combining universes? yup, but he's not sexual in this fic because minor TM, health concerns as well, mentions of depression, plus size reader, purely self indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26029069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CappiTrash/pseuds/CappiTrash
Summary: You're Y/N and have been having major health problems but run an ordinary life.. mostly.. until the Avengers drop in.Or; Purely self indulgent self-insert because I'm sick in bed.. AGAIN.. and want to make my heart happy.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/ OFC, Bruce Banner/Reader, Clint Barton/Reader, Heimdall/OFC, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Loki/OFC, Natasha Romanoff/OFC, Peter Parker/ Reader, Tony Stark/ OFC, Tony Stark/ Reader - Relationship, Wanda Maximoff/Vision, heimdall/ reader, natasha Romanoff/reader, sam Wilson/ reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 153





	1. Well fuck am I right?

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this will explore my own health problems and my feelings about them while also exploring my love of the MCU and such; I don't have a regular schedule for uploading this but I'm pretty motivated to work on it!
> 
> Tags will be updated per chapter as needed.

She never thought her life would turn out this way, one moment she was fighting the newest threat to planet Earth and the next she was floating in an endless black abyss of pain and loneliness. She was forced to watch as the timeline of her life floated by here slowly as if a movie played in slow motion but also backwards, her fingers pushing through nonexistent molasses to touch the last frame, a white light covering her vision.

\--

Years of pain and no results to show for it fueled the woman’s anger, though her face was resting in a neutral expression, nodding along with what her doctor was saying; more MRI scans and they all came back negative for any anomalies or obstructions. She let out a sigh as she and her mother, her ride to her appointment, walked out of the medical facility and toward the car parked just where they left it in the lot. Neither of them were paying attention when the sudden sound of gunfire rang out across the lot like a pin dropping in a quiet room. She whipped her head around, as much as she could anyway, looking around with wide eyes just as her mom did the same thing, pointing out a security car-- multiple cars-- speeding into the lot, men and women popping out of them with weapons drawn. These people were ushering civilians into the nearest buildings with practised ease, The small woman looked to her mother and they both headed back towards the building they just vacated as quickly as they could. 

As they neared the doors several security men let them through with barely a glance, they hunkered down away from the glass front with several dozen people, tipping her head she tried to glimpse what or whom had shot guns off but nothing could be seen but more and more security and police cars pouring into the parking lot from all entrances. She heard the ones outside screaming about ‘what the fuck are those things’, ‘someone call the big guns in’, and other things that were quite disturbing but ‘the big guns’ could only be one thing. Several years ago after the pandemic happened a giant Purple Titan alien had threatened Earth so publicly that the Avengers and the new S.H.I.E.L.D had to step into the light as the new protectors of Earth, literally because who knew Aliens fucking existed?! The Avengers are a team of world saving people with powers, most of them anyway, but that didn’t stop people from worshiping them and hating them in equal measure. 

She herself had many figures and nicknacks displayed on her collectors shelf of the Avengers, she was a firm believer that they were helping for the greater good, even if they fucked up sometimes. She was snapped out of her reverie by the sound of a loud snarl, if a snarl was garbled and also sounded goopy and gross; a Police officer outside went flying through the air, a trail of blood splattering after them like someone threw a can of paint. What stepped into her line of vision made her stomach clench painfully and her throat constrict-- you know that moment when your mouth starts to salivate heavily before you throw up? Yeah that was her in the moment. This beast looked like a rotting and mutated giant dog mixed with a bear and several other animals; Blood dripped from it in red and bluck rivulets off of its heaving sides and gaping muzzle. The worst part? A child near the front in his mother's arms giggled and cried out ‘doggy!’ and you can guess what happened next. The next few seconds people held their breath, including herself, her eyes darted from the child back to the beast. The snarling thing turned its head slowly to look at the front of the building; the thing about these windows is that they’re reflective on the outside and unless this beast could see through that coating they would be safe right?

Wrong.

So. fucking. Wrong. 

The people behind her scattered like the wind and jumped into the nearest stairwell, pushed into the elevators, and alcoves that might shelter them from the beast’s gaze but it was too late. The thing ducked under the concrete covering outside of the doors but it could barely fit between the pillars, that could buy them some time to find a back exit to flee from but it wouldn’t be enough for the entirety of this small crowd. Her mind was running a mile a minute and she could feel a panic attack coming on, how long had they-- she been standing there? Could she get her mother to safety? Determination she hadn’t felt in a long time solidified her decision, she wasn’t a hero, she couldn’t even run due to her nerve damage in her legs but she could distract it. 

The beast backed out from under the concrete cover, slashing out with its terrifying claws, glass shattering could be heard from the floor above, tipping her head she rushed around the crowd toward the stairwell, picking her way through the crowd and hoping the beast would stay distracted just long enough for her to find those particular windows. Luck was on her side for once when she ran into a nurse helping an older lady out of an office.

“Lady, you shouldn’t be up here!” the nurse in blue scrubs snarled at her, blood dripping from her temple.

“Where are those windows that broke?” She asked, mentally rolling her eyes at the purely fact statement the nurse spouted. 

The nurse pointed at the door she had just left, it conveniently marked offices, which meant wide open floor to ceiling windows… she hoped. Yanking the door open she ran inside, a few cubicles sat in neat little lines while the rest of the room had plastic and scaffolding marking off a remodeling project or something going on, her eyes landed on the broken windows as more people fled the room yelling about something or another. Flailing around the woman looked around for something to use as a weapon but got frustrated, nearly growling to herself about how ‘jesus christ Y/N it’s an office not a zombie apocalypse movie.’ When her eye caught once again on the scaffolding, upon closer inspection she noticed a long paint roller, the handle had to be as long as she was tall but that didn’t stop her from grabbing it and tearing the roller off of it (she sent a dumb prayer up that she didn’t get paint on her favorite white jeans). 

Making her way back to the broken window she noticed the giant beast clawing at the concrete keeping it from its prey, big chunks falling to the asphalt below under its single mindedness. Standing in the broken window she was about to call out when all of a sudden a red blur shot through the sky, knocking the creature off to the side with a loud yelping yowl of pain. 

Help had arrived.

\--

_Downstairs; Mother_

Her daughter had disappeared in the crowd and she couldn’t find her anywhere, she was trying not to panic but this is how her nearly seventy year old self would die, a heart attack given to her by her headstrong mid twenties year old daughter! Her gaze whipped around even as some man in Blue talked to the crowd, making sure they were ok before leaving them in the hands of some group named S.H.I.E.L.D, specifically some man named Agent Coulson. 

“Ma’am are you alright?” 

She snapped out of her panic for one moment to find the man-- tall man-- speaking to her, it took her brain a moment to break through her racing thoughts before she could speak. 

“My daughter is missing, I last saw her in the building with us.” Her voice raised toward the end of her sentence, her panic returning full force.

He looked concerned. “What does your daughter look like?” he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder as he beckoned for someone to come over. 

The older woman breathed deeply and tried to speak through the oncoming tears building in her eyes.

“Sh-She’s Short, four foot eleven, late twenties, (hair color/ texture), (eye color); responds to ‘Y/N’ and ‘Y/NN’.” 

\--

_Upstairs; Y/N_

The fight was going well until the creature got Iron Man pinned beneath its meaty paw like hand, claws making gouges deep in the asphalt below. It looked like his comrades were busy with their own groups of asailents though, weird looking people in what looked like green and yellow armor fighting them in groups with high powered weapons. Y/N knew she had to do something to help the man out.  
Looking down to her improvised weapon she’d never let go of then to the concrete below she noted it was about a two or three foot drop, easy peasy right? She took a breath and jumped down, grouching silently as pain shot through her poor legs but she shook it off. Walking near the edge she banged the metal rod down hard and screamed.

‘Hey ugly!’ her voice cracked a bit but she kept going, fear and anxiety plaguing her in equal measure.

“Fucking pick on someone at your eye height!” She’d hit herself later for how uncool she sounded. 

“Big, dumb, and stinky over her--eeeek!” she screeched like a little girl as the beast whipped around and made a grab for her, it’s big black and green eyes staring at her; she might have to redact her dumb statement because what glanced at her held intelligence that even some humans didn’t. Her feet were frozen, her fight, flight, or freeze response engaged and set to eleven. Just as it’s big fist came at her she jumped back and tripped, fucking _tripped_ , landing hard on her ass. Gazing up at it from below her glasses she panted heavily though she tried to get her panic under control, she needed to know if Iron Man got-- oh he’s up.

The Red armored man flew up behind the creature and grabbed its head, saying something she couldn’t hear due to the blood rushing in her ears. Unfortunately for the man in red the creature grabbed her, squeezing her in its fist like King Kong and that woman he carried to the top of the empire state building. Y/N gagged from the stench coming from the beast, retching in its hold but luckily she didn’t get sick, thank the gods for small mercies. She threw herself in its grasp, wriggling and writhing trying to get free but it just clenched its fist harder making her ribs creak-- despite what people may thing fat does not, in fact, save you from being crushed by what is probably a grip force of at least a couple of tonnes. 

\--

“Uh Cap--” Tony spoke into his helmet, Friday displaying statistics and information about the battle around him as he flew carefully around the creature and its captive, a civilian captive at that, one who tried to help him and got caught in the process. 

“Tony, we’ve got a situ--”

“Look I know, civi is in the grasp of big, dark, and ugly!” He cursed loudly and dodged to the side as the creature used its other fist to swing out at him as it sat back on its haunches. 

“Fuck, what do they look like?” Captain America, Steve, cursed into his com.

“Uhm, kinda -- shit!-- can’t see Cap, they’re-- GOD DAMN IT!-- in the grasp of the beast!” He dove to the side and landed on the ground, shaking his head. He knew he could fire rockets at its underbelly but he still risked hurting the civi, he risked hurting them no matter what he did. His gaze shot up to a little blur in blue and red just as a young male’s voice came through the com.

“No worries Mr. Stark!” Spiderman waved from a web. “We can just web them right?”

Tony let out a suffering sigh, webs would be a great way to subdue the monster without possibly hurting the civilian but it wasn’t a risk he could take. An itchy like shiver ran down his right arm again and coalesced at his inner wrist making him groan internally, stupid itch started again and he couldn’t even scratch it right now!

His attention snapped back to the creature as it let out a cry, its free arm webbed but just as Spiderman went to web the other fist the creature reared back-- Tony’s worst nightmare was coming true.

He flew up but it was too late, even at top speed he couldn’t stop the creature from throwing the civilian.

\--

Y/N had been clawing and struggling in the creature's grasp when Spiderman had come swinging onto the scene, webbing the creature expertly but unfortunately she felt it before she saw it.

Y/N was thrown away like a discarded toy, rushing headlong into a tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11/13; Edited & Fixed y/n description for better immersion for everyone!


	2. I hate hospitals

The sound of steady beeping woke Y/N an undetermined amount of time later but she couldn’t open her eyes, they felt laden down and gritty like there was sand in her eyes. Her head ached more than it usually did on a daily basis and her ribs burned with every shallow inhale of breath she took. She tried again to blink her eyes open, this time a little successful but they opened in tiny slits before falling shut again and her brain dragged her back down into the black depths of unconsciousness. 

Some more time later had her awake again but with the same problem, eyes heavy and staying closed but her ears worked.. or kind of worked just fine. She heard hushed voices but couldn’t catch all of the words.

“Lots of damage…”

“Really lucky…”  
“Hearing…”

“We’ll take care…”

\--

When she finally woke up for the final time she was able to open her eyes completely, though the glare of the overhead lights made her squeeze them shut again before she dared opening them again. Her eyes focused on the ceiling, bleary from being asleep for so long but soon cleared up when she blinked a few more times; raising her arms caused a jolt of pain so she didn’t try that again. Trying to turn her head ended with the same results, pain shooting up her neck and into the right side of her head; that was usual for her though, if she could only get up and move around it might get better. She was basically forced to lie there until someone came in and otherwise helped her.

Her thoughts had impeccable timing because just as it finished her door whooshed open, the person clearly trying to be quiet while also seemingly in a hurry or at least moving in a natural quick gait. She kept staring at the ceiling when the thought struck her-- where the fuck was she? And why couldn’t she move? 

A face appeared above her enough where she could see the person, a woman with her brown hair piled into a bun and wearing some sort or colorful shirt with an ID pinned to the breast pocket. Y/N narrowed her eyes.

_A nurse?.. Was she in the hospital?_

The previous beeping that she hadn’t heard on her left side kicked up into high gear and got loud enough for her to hear on her right.

_Why couldn’t she hear with her left ear?! What the fuck is going on?!!_

Her breathing sped up just as the nurse leaned over her and was saying something but the blood rushing in her ears had her panicking more. The nurse was saying something and doing these weird movements, deep breathing it looked like but couldn’t she tell Y/N _couldn’t_ breathe?!

The nurse was near shoved out of the way as a pair of beautiful brown eyes entered her vision, they were almost like toffee or caramel, shining with an emotion she couldn’t name but he started doing the deep breathing too; Y/N didn’t even notice the white noise in her ears was fading until the man smiled and stroked her left hand with his, bumping the I.V in the top of it by accident. She hissed quietly but it was enough of a noise that she snapped out of whatever panic was left, he looked down at her with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry.” his voice was beautiful… and she slapped herself mentally, jesus christmas Y/N stop.

“S’ok.” her voice croaked, throat drier than the sahara desert in the summer. Her eyes flicked away from his face to around the room, taking more stock of her surroundings, she must have had a weird or confused expression on her face because the man-- whom she noticed was in a three piece business suit-- started talking at rapid fire speed as he paced to her right, settling on the side of her bed and taking up her I.V free hand. 

“You’re in the hospital, you were hurt pretty bad when that giant alien creature threw you, you got pretty lucky seeing you hit your left side on the tree instead of your spine; doctor said if that had happened we probably wouldn’t be talking right now, your mom is pretty worried, I should go get---” She stroked the top of his hand with her thumb, turning her head just enough to look at him out of the corner of her eye.

“It’s.. okay.” She croaked again, spurring him into action, him pushing a button to gently sit the bed up in a slightly reclined position.

“Jesus, sorry kid, look here, now we can talk and I’ll grab you some water..” He kept mumbling to himself as he got up to head for the door but just before he could get there the sliding glass opened and another man entered with a tan jug with a number writing on it; this man was broad, about the same height as the other one but his brunette hair was almost black but shined under the fluorescent lights. His icy gaze pierced right to her core as if he was trying to find her deepest and darkest secrets, his mouth was set in a stern line as he walked past the other man she noticed that one had golden brown hair and dark tanned skin, laugh lines around his eyes made him look older but not by much in her opinion. 

The darker haired man set the jug gently on a rolling tray and pulled a cup out of nowhere with a lid and straw.

“Here you go doll, grabbed this from one of the nurses, she said it was for you when you woke up.” His voice was rougher around the edges and deep, he had at least three days worth of stubble on his jaw and she really wanted to run her hands over it for some reason. The man sat on the edge of her bed where the other had been before he moved, holding the cup up for her to easily sip from the straw once it was in front of her lips. She took a deep grateful swallow of the ice cold lifeblood that was the water; she wanted to cry because it made her throat feel so much better. 

Oops, maybe she did because she felt a thumb swipe tenderly under one of her eyes. 

“You’re alright, Doll, don’t cry.” he said gently, in the distance she heard the door open again and more people file in before the door was shut firmly. At least the previous nurse had fled the moment the darker haired man had come in with the water, she didn’t need anymore witnesses to her stupidity. Now able to see due to her sitting position she eyed each and every person who stepped into the room; A pale younger man who looked no older than seventeen stood at the front with a mop of curly brown hair and a happy puppy dog expression, next to him with the man who helped you calm down with a hand on his shoulder, on the kids other side was a woman who look stunning and scary all in one fell swoop, her eyes bore holes into her where she sat her red hair was swept into a messy bun, two other men stood off to the side leaning on separate walls; one was a beautiful man with dark chocolate skin, a gap tooth smile beaming at her, the other was a ruggedly handsome man in a sleeveless shirt with his arms crossed across his chest, muscles bulging, grey eyes crinkling at the corners as he gave her a small smile. 

Dear god you recognized them anywhere.

The Avengers..

Were in..

Your hospital room?

She gulped almost audibly as the man in front of you took the cup away; The winter soldier was treating you as if she were made of glass. Tony fucking Stark himself had helped calm her panic! She let out a sound in the back of her throat-- you know the kind where it sounds strangled and garbled?-- yet she couldn’t form any words, blue eyes widening almost comically as they jumped from person to person. The Winter Soldier dropped his hand to rub soothing circles on her right arm. 

“Doll, its--”

“Miss, Y/L/N, glad to see you’re awake.” The voice was no nonsense, an older man stepped out from around the Avengers, he was in a tailored suit and hand a slightly receding hairline; he stepped up enough and gave the Soldier a pointed look who in turn growled at him with a dark expression.

“Coulson… back off, she just woke up.”

This Coulson fellow didn’t even blink at the Soldier, merely arching a brow while Tony (fucking) Stark stepped forward and gently coaxed him away with a soft. ‘C’mon Bucky bear, let him talk to her, she’ll be ok’ and some other stuff she couldn’t hear.

“As I was saying--” Coulson sighed before looking at her once more. “Miss, Y/L/N, I’m Agent Phil Coulson with S.H.I.E.L.D, I’m here to debrief you of what happened a week ago at the Medical Park you were located at.” 

Your mind went blank at ‘ a week ago’... fuck.

“What you did was very brave if not a little fool hardy, you jumped in to save one of our own.” A scoff was heard behind him and the man rolled his eyes upward as if begging for patience from a higher power.

“Let me amend that; You jumped in to save one of the Avengers and we are very grateful, however that creature seemed to--” He paused as if looking for the right words to say. “-- that creature didn’t seem to want to hurt you, it was very strange so we need to debrief you and pick your brain for everything you remember.”

At the statement ‘pick your brain’ a loud snarl came from the group of people near the door, it was the young boy who pulled from the grasp of the Black Widow and Hawkeye (whom she now recognised). The boy strode forward and put himself between her and the Agent with tense shoulders and firm stance. It was a weird display as seeing how he’d been nothing but happy and eager looking only minutes before. It was comical to see the Agent’s expression, he looked like he wanted to stamp his food and throw his hands in the air like a cranky child not getting their way but quickly schooled his features back into an indifferent mask. 

“Mister Parker I need you to stand down, I need to get this over as quickly as possible.” 

She smiled, a small up turn of the corners of her mouth, gently reaching out to brush the boy’s arm.

“It’s ok.” she didn’t know why she felt the need to reach out and touch him, to reassure him but she did. 

He turned only his head to acknowledge her, looking between her face and her hand before relaxing and giving a quick nod. A blush stole over his cheeks as he ducked his head and stepped back over to the peanut gallery and nearly hid behind Mr. Stark. 

She smiled fondly and shook her head but stopped with a wince when it pulled painfully; she cast her eyes back to the Agent with a sigh.

“Agent Coulson was it?” Her voice was quiet, still a little rough from not using it for a week.

“Yes.” He responded in kind, motioning to the chair beside her bed he arched a brow again.

“May I?” 

She nodded in turn.

And thus began the recounting of the entire ordeal that happened a week ago, she ran through her entire day and the subsequent failure of a Neurologist appointment, the frustration she was feeling and how she decided to play hero. She admitted to not knowing the whys of why she decided to jump into the fight, she wasn’t in the best health but she just wanted to do something so others-- including her own mother-- would have a chance to get away and to safety. Slumping back against the bed when Agent Coulson got to questions about the time she was held by the monster but she told him honestly that she was too panicked in that moment to really remember anything other than it stunk to high heaven and it made her gag and struggle more. 

When the questions finally ceased she was about ready to punch the man, he asked her the same question in different iterations more than once and it drove her up the goddamn wall; she knew he was trying to implicate her but she honestly didn’t understand why the beast had held her instead of killing her immediately, looking back on it with a cleary mind she remembered it had held onto her for a long time, even while it was being attacked and maybe the only reason it threw her was to protect her? Or give it to his buddies? She had no idea and neither did the other superheroes in the room. 

Once the Agent had left with a curt nod and terse smile she relaxed fully into the uncomfortable mattress of the hospital bed, groaning as her entire left side protested the movement; her painkillers must be wearing off-- she didn’t mind though ,she hated them with a fiery passion that rivaled her love for all things pastel pink on the opposite end of the spectrum. 

It was so quiet in the room you could hear a pin drop

Her gaze landed on the Avengers with a curiosity she hadn’t felt in a long time. 

What was next?


	3. Not a chapter.. yet

Hey y'all sorry for disappearing for a long time, my health has been super bad again and I've only been able to write on and off; not even enough for a whole chapter! 

I'll be working on, and hopefully posting, a new chapter this weekend! (once I do this update will be deleted!)


End file.
